Confident Parents Make Time for Reflection and This

If you have a child over the age of two, you’re likely very familiar with questions like these that start with “why?” Whether you find your child’s questions charming and a beautiful expression of their burgeoning curiosity or a torturous phase to simply be dealt with (or both), it’s important to know how precious and admirable that curiosity really is. 

Children go on an asking-why rampage because they are trying to piece together the world around them. They’re trying to fill in the blanks about what they are experiencing, so they ask and ask and ask until they get a satisfactory answer.

If you adopt your child’s desire to ask why about many aspects of your life, when you take time for reflection and make it a habit, you will be happier, less exhausted with life, and more proactive than ever before.

The ability to reflect is a severely underrated skill. Most of us never learn to make it a habit because we’re so focused on being productive. So, let’s clarify why reflection is actually an incredibly productive thing to do with your time.

Building a reflective practice into your life is enormously helpful in building your self-awareness. In turn, it’s what lets you sort through and eventually clarify the blur that life sometimes becomes, especially around the holidays.

Think of it like one of those makeover shows some people (possibly you) love to binge-watch. But instead of disappearing into an HGTV oblivion watching people’s cluttered living rooms get overhauled into hygge masterpieces, your reflective practice is doing that overhaul for your brain and, ultimately, your family.

At Raising Families, we like to call parents family leaders. Reflection is a major part of effective leadership at every level, from the boardroom to the classroom to the living room.

One of the first objections leaders have about making time for reflection is that they don’t really understand the process. So, let’s make the first step easy.

Start by reflecting on the following:

1. Last year was a wonderful year for me and my partner because …
2. Last year was a tough year for me and my partner because …

Then answer these statements with yes, no, or sort of, in preparation for the next step:

1. Did I hae a game plan at the beginning of last year?
2. Did I gain confidence as a parent?
3. Were my partner and I were aligned about our role as parents?

Now that you’ve reflected a bit, it’s time to adopt the same curiosity young children have and ask why. It’s called the Why Approach.

The Why Approach helps us identify the key things that cause something to happen. Some people say you have to ask why a minimum of five times; others say seven times. I ask myself enough whys to get to the point that I feel comfortable and then move on. When am I comfortable? When I think I understand why!

Start by asking why about each of your reflections. Here’s an example:

1. Last year was a wonderful year for me and my partner because we talked more and agreed on more things.
   Why did we talk more and agree on more things?
   We made a point to have family meetings.
   
   (2nd) Why?
   Because we were tired of not knowing each other’s schedules and what the kids were doing.

    

   (3rd) Why?
   Because we’re not working from home anymore, and the kids are back in school. We don’t see each other as much, and we miss the peace we had when we were more in control.

Let’s now look at the other question:

2. Last year was a tough year for me and my partner because we had to watch the family finances more closely. Why did we have to watch the family finances more closely?
   Because we’re driving more since we’re no longer working from home, gas prices are on the rise, and food is more expensive.

(These can also be done in regards to your kids.)

Now, let’s look at the reflection statements again using the Why Approach:

Here’s my answer to the first statement to help get you moving in the right direction:

1.  I had a game plan at the beginning of last year that helped guide me in my relationship with my partner and my kids? (Yes, No, Sort of)

   Why did you or did you not have a plan?
   Part of my upbringing is that I’m a planner. I also took a class a long time ago about setting personal goals and having a plan at work. It really helped me translate my dreams into an action plan.

   I think about what I want to accomplish, write it down, and then keep track of how I’m doing. Without a written plan, I get distracted by only doing what’s in front of me and not working on things that need to get done. Plus, I can only remember two or three things at a time. So, I have to write things down.

   
   If you had a plan, what worked and what didn’t go so well and why?
   The good news is I had a plan that I looked at most days. The bad news is that I always tried to do more than I had time for. At least I had a plan to look at, so I could reset priorities for the day or week or month. My long-term goals remain the same.