Why Your Family Desperately Needs a Family Media Agreement

Parents and kids never have the same ideas when it comes to screen time. The kids want more; the parents want less or none at all. Follow this surefire way to get everyone on the same page and make a family media agreement the whole family can agree on.

Surprise! You’re not the only one who thinks everyone is addicted to screens these days. Screens are everywhere, and many kids are basically digital natives who can operate an iPad before they can tie their shoes. That’s not something to celebrate. Recent research shows some pretty alarming stuff about what unlimited screen time is doing to our children.

The Numbers That Should Worry Every Parent:

• Kids aged 8-12 spend 4-6 hours daily on screens (outside school)
• Teenagers average nearly 9 hours per day on devices
• 45% of teens are online “almost constantly”
• Children with unlimited screen access show higher rates of anxiety and depression

A 2024 study in the Journal of Behavioral Addictions (part of the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development study) found something that should make us all pause: kids without screen boundaries struggle more with sleep, have increased anxiety, and show more behavioral problems than those with a solid Family Media Agreement in place.

What Unrestricted Screen Time Actually Does to Kids:

• Reduces ability to read facial expressions and social cues
• Impacts language development in younger children
• Creates “continuous partial attention” where kids can’t fully focus
• Affects emotional regulation skills
• Disrupts sleep patterns and quality

Dr. Jenny Radesky from University of Michigan puts it bluntly: excessive screen time during crucial developmental years messes with everything from how toddlers learn to talk to how teens handle their emotions.

Before we point fingers at our kids, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: parents spend an average of 7.5 hours daily on our own devices. We should probably be paying more attention to those pesky device usage alerts on our phones.

Here’s the brutal truth about parental screen habits:

• Kids as young as two can spot our screen hypocrisy
• Children copy what we do, not what we say
• Mixed messages make kids resist digital boundaries
• Our phone habits directly influence their phone habits

Research from the University of Washington shows that when parents model good screen habits—like putting phones away during dinner or having device-free times—kids develop way better self-control around technology.

The good news? Dr. Dimitri Christakis notes that kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do. So if we fix our own habits first, creating a family media agreement becomes so much easier.

Step 1: Call a Family Screen Summit

Pick a time when everyone’s fed and not cranky. Tell your kids you want to create a family media agreement together—not just rules for them, but guidelines the whole family will follow. This can also be a topic for one of your regular family meetings.

Step 2: Get Everyone’s Honest Input

Have each family member (including parents!) write down their thoughts on:

• Current screen time habits
• What’s working and what isn’t
• Concerns about family screen use
• Ideas for digital boundaries

Step 3: Use These Discussion Questions

For kids:

• Why do you think you’re ready for the devices you use?
• How much screen time feels right per day/week and why?
• Where should devices be allowed/not allowed?
• What parental controls seem fair?
• Who pays if something gets lost or broken?

For parents:

• What screen rules should apply to everyone?
• What different rules might kids need vs. adults?
• How can we model better screen habits?

Step 4: Share and Write Down Everything

Let everyone present their ideas without judgment. Select someone to take notes and write down all the different ideas that come up. Let the family know that once all of the ideas are written down, there will be a discussion on each item to decide whether or not the family wants to include it in the plan. Have someone take notes on ALL suggestions—even the ones that seem unrealistic. This isn’t the time to say no.

Step 5: Negotiate Like Diplomats

Go through each idea and discuss:

• Why it might work for your family
• Potential problems or safety concerns
• How to make it fair for everyone
• Whether to try it or modify it

Remember: the goal is agreement, even if it’s grudging agreement. This is the time to let your kids know if something is unreasonable or just not safe and why you believe that. It’s also a time for them to disagree with your ideas.

Step 6: Create Your Official Family Media Agreement

Write up your final decisions covering:

• Screen time limits for different ages
• Device-free zones and times
• Consequences for breaking agreements
• How parents will model good habits
• Review dates to update the agreement

This family media agreement from Common Sense Media also incorporates issues of digital citizenship. It’s more of a checklist rather than a list of personalized family rules. Still, a great place to start your conversation.

This family media plan from the American Academy of Pediatrics is another excellent resource for discussion and creating a physical document that can be reviewed and modified over time as your children grow up.

Step 7: Start with a Trial Run

Not sure about something? Try it for two weeks and see how it goes. Your family media agreement isn’t set in stone and can be revisited or updated whenever your family feels something is no longer relevant.

Why involving kids works:

• They’re invested in rules they helped create
• They understand the “why” behind boundaries
• Less arguing when everyone agreed upfront
• Kids feel respected as part of the solution

Pro tips for success:

• Post your agreement where everyone can see it
• Check in regularly about how it’s working
• Celebrate when the family follows the agreement
• Adjust rules as kids get older or circumstances change

When you create a family media agreement together instead of just imposing screen rules, everyone wins. Your kids get a voice in their digital boundaries, you get cooperation instead of constant battles, and your whole family develops healthier relationships with technology.

Involving your kids in creating your family media agreement is the secret to actually making it work. Everyone understands why the rules exist, which means way fewer arguments and way more family harmony.